It’s all in your attitude

Today could be a  downer for me. Today I turn 40

(Prepare your self for lots of pictures—sorry!)

(18 years old)

(almost 19)

I’m not a teenager anymore(thank God!)

(24 years)

The 20s are a fond memory & the good old 30s are done………

(34 years)

Ever since I can remember when people ask my age they exclaim—NO way you aren’t that old.  I also get “there is NO way you have a kid that old.”  I like that I look younger than what my id says.

(37 years)

Today I am not going to be unhappy that I am 40.  I am choosing to be thankful for all the blessings that God has placed in my life. 

In fact I thought I would list some of those blessings.  These are in no particular order.

1. A husband who loves me and gives me more joy than I deserve.

2.  Adult son coming home “just because” he likes to hang out with his parents.

3.  My beautiful, loving children

4.  Flowers delivered unexpectedly!

5.  Parents who love me

6.  Connecting with my brother & sister recently

7.  Projects to keep my hands & mind busy

8.  Sunshine instead of rain—everyone knows how much I love the sun after days of winter gray.

9.  Being a stay-at-home mom

10.  Flowers blooming early this year!

11.  Forgiveness

12.  Daughters who cheer me on & laugh at my sillies

13.  Food in the frig, gas in the car, clothes on my back

14.  My iphone—seriously would go crazy with out it

15.  Dark curtains to keep the light out when I want to sleep in on my birthday(any day).

16.  Friends who forget I like to sleep in and text me at 7 am to wish me a happy 40th.

17.  Death by chocolate cake with peanut butter between the layers(aaaahhhh)

18.  Anticipation of a afternoon with my mom

19.  Sweet hugs from my youngest

20.  Grace

21.  A mother-in-law & father-in-law who have helped me to grow and treat me as one of their own.

22.  Friends who walk beside me, cry in sympathy, laugh for no reason, understand when there are no words left to say.

23.  Adventures

24.  My precious church family

25.  The Brush/Schweikert clan—we aren’t hillbillies really(if you don’t count some of them)

26.  Little girl giggles, big girl hugs

27.  Pepsi

28.  My hip—defective but functioning

29.  Comfortable place to lay my head at night

30.  Memories stuck down, decorated & sitting on a shelf for times when I need to remember.

31.  Lessons learned, paradigms shifted

32.  Abby’s companionship

33.  Peanut butter

34.  Plans for the future—gardens, vacations, trips

35.  21 years with my love

(39 years)

36.  Warm breezes of spring

37.  Energy to get up each day

38.  Little boy energy, big boy compassion

39.  Messes to clean, laundry to do, errands to run

40.  One more breath—means that I am still here with a purpose to live out as I make this journey

I love this saying from pinterest. 

Gratitude turns what we have into enough. 

Try making your list—I promise you won’t be sorry.

Operation “Grandma”

On Monday my mom had her 6th chemotherapy.  It went very smoothly.  She hadn’t slept well the night before so she actually napped most of the 6 hours.

As of today she has had about 10 days of “feeling normal.”  That is such a blessing and encouragement to her.  You get really sick & tired of feeling sick & tired.  At chemo mom finished the hat she’s been making for Joshua—yeah!

Today dad called to say that mom would be coming back to stay for some extra TLC at our house.  We went in to Operation grandma mode! 

Got her bed made up!

Stocked the frig with drink & snack options.

Cleared a counter for her medicines & notebook to track when she takes things. (my counter is never that clean on a normal day!)

Dad called back later to say that she changed her mind.  She will be staying home at least one more night.  I hope and pray that she doesn’t HAVE to come.  But if she does we are ready!

New normal

One question I ask myself a lot lately is “What is normal?”  I think normal is what we expect to happen.

Why do we do that to ourselves?  Nothing we expect to happen ever goes the way we think it will.

I expected my parents to grow old together & putter around doing old people things until God called one or both of them home.  Sounds silly doesn’t it?

Needless to say that hasn’t happened.  My new normal is that my mom is living with us off and on. 

She needs more care than my dad can do by himself.  He worries about how she’s doing.  Then he can’t sleep.

My new normal(for several weeks) was to wake up and have a phone call early in the morning(usually on Monday) every few days with a new crisis.  Too much medicine, exhaustion, broken trust, sharp words.  All these things can alone cause problems but when you combine them it can be a crisis.

Sometimes you have to head off a crisis before it happens.  To help my dad not worry we rearranged our home for a while.  We don’t have a guest room but our basement has two new bedrooms in it now

     

Mom has a room to come and stay in right around chemo.  She has a counter in the kitchen and space in the bathroom.  She comes and we give her some extra TLC before & after chemo.  Dad sleeps & gets his rest.  Everyone benefits.

Sometimes you have to think out of the box.  I am glad that my parents are comfortable in my home.  Dad even invaded the kitchen to make gravy!

Love for someone isn’t about what they give you or how they make you feel.  It is laying aside your desires and plans to help them.  I never thought that I would be walking this path but I wouldn’t trade the privilege of being Jesus’s hands and feet for my mom and dad at this time in their lives.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friend.     John 5:13

Not a minute too late . . or soon

Feeling weak & unable to move a muscle is a familiar feeling by the end of my days.  I am giving everything I have to just keep my house running, support my parents in their struggles, keep my sibling informed and love on my kids & husband. 

When I get out of bed, I don’t know exactly what my day is going to look like.  I pray that God guides me to the most important things & that I can ignore all the rest that is clamoring my name.

The lesson that has hit me over and over recently is that God gives me exactly what I need when I need it.

-A friend emailed me with encouragement while she is going through a horrible time of her own but she took the time to speak words of wisdom to me.

-My husbands co-worker unexpectedly provided us with a meal on a day I wasn’t free to make food.

-Great children who keep working on their school work even when I am in the midst of caring for my mom.

-Another friend texted me a scripture one day & the next I looked it up.  God used it to help me encourage my mom. 

While I might be impatient for things to change or get frustrated that I can’t in my own strength make things here all better, I feel so loved and cared for as God guides me and provides what I need.  There is so much to be grateful for in the midst of our struggles.

A sparrow’s life

This week I celebrated an anniversary.  A year ago I was in pain.   Walking was excruciating.  Sitting was little better.  Standing could be good if I held my weight on my right leg.  My left hip was the problem.  On January 11 I had surgery to repair a torn labrum. 

Recovery took a while but now a year later I am so thankful that I can again keep up with my kidos.  I still feel it complaining on some days but I will take that any day over what I had to deal with a year ago.

6 months ago I was happily moving through life not expecting any major changes to my life. Then my mom shared with me that life was not as I thought.  Dad was having some problems and we needed to help her.  Bam!  Life changed overnight and I became familiar with the difference between psychologist & psychiatrists.  I was going to my dad’s doctors visits with him.  My dad who has always been a rock is now a different person who looks, acts & seems like my dad that I’ve always known.  I have to filter his words & actions through this new lens I am seeing through.

3 months ago my mom wasn’t feeling well.  She chalked it up to the stress she had been experiencing.  She checked with her doctor who recommended some tests.  Long story short is that my mom has pancreatic cancer.  To say that we were reeling from all this is an understatement.  Finally after 3 months of adjusting learning & adapting I am starting to be able to think clearly again.  Sometimes.

I am hoping to share more on here.  I just haven’t been able to since October.  This is a new road I am walking.  Maybe some of the things I am learning & living can help one of you.  I wasn’t ready for this.  I am still not ready for this but well . . . here we are.

God knew.  That is today(and every day’s) lesson.  He isn’t surprised at what happens to us.  He knew before we were born what would happen today.  Not one thing that comes our way is outside of his love.  He loves us and knows everything about us.  We are important to him and can go to him with our cares & burdens.

A dear friend shared this with me today and God used her to give me just what I needed but that is another lesson to share for another day.

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:28-31

May God prepare you for whatever is to come today and bless you through it all.

What is important right now?

One thing I ask from the LORD,  this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent 
and set me high upon a rock.

Psalm 27:4-5

What would you ask of God if you could just ask for one thing? 

That is such a hard question.

Events in my life lately have been prodding me to look at my life.  Really look hard.

We do not know the number of our days.  We can only be thankful for this minute, this hour that He’s granted us.

Between the doctor visits, multiple phone calls & texts, rearranging of schedules, desperate laundry loads I have been seeking what is most important.  I ask God to point me in that direction each morning as I start my day.  Here is what I’ve gravitated towards.

1.  Kiss my husband he might not be there tomorrow.

2.  Squeeze my children in tight hugs so they know I love them each day.  Even(especially) the big ones.

3.  Pray often.  Pray about everything.  Pray until you can’t stay awake.

4.  Forget the rest.  Do maintenance as you walk through the day.  Right now a to-do list is laughable.  Interruptions, sadness, naps all take priority over the rest.

I don’t dwell in the house of the Lord.  He dwells in me and allows me to gaze on His beauty and seek him each day.

My life is not beautiful right now.  It is a mess.  Fatigue and general inability to think has become my “normal.”

But I know He is beautiful and he is walking me through(okay carrying me) this season.  I don’t know the answer to the question.  More than half the time I don’t even know the question.

But I know he will keep me safe.  I can rest in him as I know he is holding me, molding me, shaping me as my family does the hard things that must be done.

I wouldn’t have chosen this adventure(nightmare) that we are on but I can choose where I turn for strength and wisdom.  I want to bring glory to him through my actions & words.

Thank you Lord for pointing me towards the most important things each day.

Inexpensive Getaway

Many years ago a group of girl friends would get together and scrapbook the pictures and memories of our families.

A couple of hours just wasn’t worth dragging everything out so our goal was to have an overnight crop.

We tried hotels—too expensive & no room to spread out

We tried homes—not far enough away & not enough room

Then 5 years ago we found the perfect solution.

We rented a church camp!  We run away on Friday & come home on Sunday.  We share the cost of the camp and everyone contributes to the food so the cost is kept to a minimum!  This past weekend was the biggest number we’ve had—23!!!

I love this group and I am so grateful for their involvement in my life.  There is so much history & friendship that tie us together.

 

We had a much needed time of laughter, teasing & talking.  They really took care of me this weekend.  

If you have a group of friends that you love & you like to get away.  I recommend renting a nearby church camp. 

The one we use has such a peace about it that it has become a sanctuary for several of us.

 

Loving when it hurts

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

So what do you do?  Someone who you love dearly turns on you. 

They do not even realize that they have changed.  How do you handle it?

I am watching this play out in a family members life. 

I am called to encourage, listen & build up in this situation.

It is easy to fear.

It is easy to be dismayed.

Weakness begins to feel like the normal

(Stress & no sleep will do that to you)

Thank goodness that God knew it would all happen from the beginning.

(source)

I’m so grateful that I can lay this burden in God’s hands. 

His hands are so steady and strong.  Unlike mine.

His help is daily and even minute by minute. 

It comes in all forms.

Children who understand.  Husband who supports. 

Friends who pray constantly.

Even when I can’t.

Walking this road isn’t easy but I am not alone.

Harvest time Adventures

Some times life just moves too fast.  For the past month I have been scrambling to keep up with all the “adventures” we’ve been having(hence the 3 weeks there haven’t been any posts!).   We are cramming the most we can in to the last “free” days that are available before the regular routine is upon us at the end of August. 

I love this time of year because we are taking all the great food available from our garden and others and freezing it or eating it up!  The kids have been a wonderful help this year as we process these blessings to save for when it is cold and nasty outside.

A friend gifted us 60 ears of yummy sweet corn & the kids helped worked it up.  I have such memories of my grandma’s sweet corn. . . mmmm

 

The end of July is when we get our yearly delivery of yummy blueberries.  Elizabeth was a HUGE blessing when she sorted and bagged for the freezer the ones we didn’t snarf eat right away.

 

And of course we’ve been harvesting from our own garden, tomatoes & peppers.  Joshua helps me to find the tomato worms & get rid of them.

 

Of course we are canning tomatoes to use in chili and soups this fall.   

The refrigerator has been crammed so I had to get creative in how to store the tomatoes I had skinned but not canned.  Hey it worked!